So Koya touched me. Well, no. Not in that way. Aunt Koya. She helped me when I felt most out of tune with the moon. I couldn’t see anything. My future was blind. Not that I see much but I see ways to improve. As if I am achieving a new level in life. Let me explain:
Recently we encountered a talking wolf. I was rather uncouth to it. And it fled. I don’t blame it. Anyways Koya predicted my future that night. Something called a harrying. It wasn’t painful but at a point her eyes began to glow and she yelled. She yelled a lot and I didn’t understand it but she kept yelling about the wolf. Then the light disappeared and she continued her message as if nothing had occurred. The cards flashed (why doesnt anything normal happen to us on this trip?!)? And after some silence and thought I thanked her and left.
I felt something afterwards. Something inside me but I didn’t know what and I didn’t know how to tap it. I felt like I could smother the world if I wanted. As Mira and her sister’s journey are the most important things currently I decided to forget it.
Then last night it happened. I wouldn’t have written about this save for last night, but, we saw an aurora.
I know. Not what everyone thinks when they think of a moving moment. But I saw Desna in it. It was my first vision while awake. It spoke to me. It spoke to my blood. I swear I was speaking aloud. Maybe I was whispering. I caught Tayllon look at me. I need to be more cautious. He might think me crazy. I know that the group knows I murdered my brother. But they can’t know
I murdered an innocent girl. Not ever. I don’t think I told them. Desna be kind, I did not.
Anyways, this is the first time I can’t remember every one of my Lady’s words; this was also my first awake vision. Am I growing? Am I better? Am I worse? Does she need to speak to me while I am awake to finish my missions now? I am so worried. I won’t fail her but I feel I have fewer reasons to be around the people I am with now. I find myself approaching Sandru with nothing to say. I have an early birthday gift for him that I just can’t seem to let go of. It’s ridiculous!
So, where as I wrote down my previous messages to remember what my Lady has said, I am now writing this down to reflect on her message and hopefully grow from it. I haven’t lost my powers so I am on the right track. As I recall:
""Uluru!" You have done ill! Face what you have done! You are no longer destined to be my will if you do not do not my will. You know my names and wants. I have whispered all of my desires to you and still you fight them. You think being a bandit will still help you when it has only caused you trouble!
“I had dreams of making you an emissary. One to guard the roads and to offer safety and mirth to travelers and to convince the beasts of the wild to be peaceful in nature. Yet you avoid safety and have more often fought beasts than tried to work with them. You are a lacking disciple.
“I send this vision as one last sign of good will. Cross my values again and you will have no more power spring from your fingertips. I see how your friends mock your power but I know you are strong enough to endure such trivial trifles. But, if you undermine me, my words, or my values again I will be sure to undermine you so far you will see Drow!”
I don’t recall the words exactly. But I recall the gist. She showed me images too. All of my friends and even Shalelu in the caravan. They are important somehow. I need to protect them. I must stay with them. I need to work on how to deal with people and animals. I need to improve. My Goddess has redeemed me once. If she tells me to do something, my only reaction is compliance.
I must admit I enjoy the idea of her praise. I only hope it is not too late for it.
I just awoke.
I saw the aurora tonight in my dreams.
It was my blood. It flowed through me and showed me magick. I get Desna gives me power, but maybe this relates the aurora to my ability. I am glad to learn more of my powers and seek more knowledge once we reach civilization.
Also Tayllon was a bit of oxen jerkey and Zack and Mira were fighting over water. I think food is an issue? I will be more vigilant for it.
Also after reading my last entry I might become vegetarian.
Ugh. Must sleep now. Spivey is singing and while I normally find it comforting, helmet-head is singing with her. He sounds like a sword scraped across flint. If Tayllon sleeps through this I will personally … I’ll… I will be cross with him but be on the path to growth. Yes.
And maybe spit in his food. Hehe.